by piece of meat (ni kapurit na laman)
Before reading this blog post, please consider the following:
1. The following blog is a Homeric simile about life;
2. It was written by the blogger when he was in his most irrational state;
3. It was written in a first-person narration;
4. The blogger is not homophobic nor a homosexual, again, this is just a simile about life; and,
5. Everything written here, like all other similes, is a fiction. Hence, all characters appearing in this blog are fictitious. Any resemblance to fictitious events or persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.
Hence, let's start:
Life is Gay
Do you know that Life has a gender? Regardless what is your sex or your sexual orientation, life has its own gender. It belongs to the third sex. Life is gay.
Life is gay. Yes, he is gay. With all due respect to him, Life is happy like how we usually see gays in real life and we usually appreciate such Life's character. But there are times, that in Life's company we no longer feel happy.
Life is gay, and I am his lover. And like you, yes you, I am the lover of my life. We usually enjoy the company of each other, and we love being together. No one will ever separate us except for Death or another Life coming into my life.
How did we started?
Life and I were just acquaintances at the beginning, stranger to each other. We befriended each other, then we started a good relationship as friends. We usually hang out together. We went to cinemas together to watch movies, we eat together til we're full, and we drink together til we get drunk. We go home late at night.
At first, my intention was just to benefit from Life. From him I received a lot of gifts I never had which made me happy. With him, I have experienced a lot of things I never tried which made me even happier. Life has become my milking cow. From him I almost get my living. I have to do this, because I know Life, like gays of his like, only wants me. Life, like gays of his like, s**ks and f**ks. Hell I know about all these things because of my past experiences, f**k life or life will f**k you, so you choose. Before life f**ks me, milk him first and make a delicious FroYo (frozen yogurt) out of it, earning me a dollar or two for every serving of it. I did this to Life for quite some time.
We later call each other as best friends. We became even more intimate. When Life has a problem, I find solutions to solve Life's problems. In exchange, when I have a problem, Life comforts me. Unknowingly, for all what he did and with his unrequited love for me, I learned to love him beyond my intention. We began sleeping together. We're more than best friends now.
Like all love stories, there's a struggle we have to face. Me and Life have some conflicts. With the effort coming from each other, almost all conflicts, misunderstandings, and problems were settled, but still, a number of those would remain an issue.
To cut a struggling love story short, because I felt that I became no better person with him, we ended what we thought our good and lasting relationship. Because of what happened, Life died, I mourned, and I move on.
I found a new Life, and it follows almost the same plot as I tell you this story.